Growing up

Every now and then, I find myself thinking about the past. About all the things I miss about being a child, all the things I could have done better and all the things that could have gone worse.

It's hard to believe how fast the time has gone by. It's incredible how I haven't even noticed the immense pace at which I've grown up.
And along with me, the expectations have grown too. I'm supposed to function, not to have an own mind, own ideas and dreams. I don't have much free time left. I'm constantly sitting at my desk, getting homework done, studying. I'm in 13th grade now, almost done with school.

I always thought that 13th graders were adults. I thought they were smart and grown up and had their own life under control. The truth is, 13th grade doesn't feel any different than any of the years before. We're still kids to some extent, and most of us are terrified.
We're afraid of our final exams. We're afraid of failing or not being as good as we could be. We're afraid of spending our last Christmas holidays with books wide open. But what we're most afraid of is the future; once we're done with school, we'll have to face the real, adult world.

Some of us will start an apprenticeship, most will study, a few will do both at the same time. We'll all have a lot less free time than what we already have. No one of us really feels ready to actually go and see the world.
To many, it seems like a miracle that someone has ever gotten through all this. It just seems so unbearable and cruel. But many people have been here before and most of them made it.

Today, I remembered a song from my earlier childhood. I finally understood what it is about. There are so many songs I misinterpreted as a child or didn't bother interpreting at all. The song I remembered is called "Nessaja" by Peter Maffay and it's from Tabaluga. It's about not wanting to grow up -- and then realizing that it's not necessary to lose the inner child in the first place. It's about sticking to one's dreams and being fascinated.
It's now that I realize how many people have dealt with the problem of having to grow up. There are so many songs and tales and movies dealing with exactly that.

The world is a terrifying place, but we're not alone; we're not the first ones to grow up and we won't be the last ones either.
And we're certainly not the only ones who are scared to death.